Did you

ever felt that you cannot get enough of somebody? That every day is only another 24 hours of her? That you cannot sleep for the fear she will vanish in the dark? That every time she gets away, your heart bleeds?

Did you ever feel the happiest man alive when she just smiles at you? Did you feel like dreaming when she offers herself to you?

Did you?

Awake

A few years ago I’ve seen a movie called “Awake”, which was presenting a medical curiosity: a man was going through a surgery for a heart transplant and during the surgery he suffers an anesthetic awareness. So he’s feeling the entire operation. The pain he’s going through is excruciating.

I feel the same now for having left my soul mate. It’s like somebody ripped the heart out of my chest and burned it to ashes.

I love her more than life itself, but I could not stand the constant reminders about the fact that she is planning to have a child with her husband, just because I have a child of myself and she cannot stand that we are not “equal”.

Although we love each other so much, even if what we feel is beyond any human feelings, even if we have sex 2-3 times/day, every day, without feeling any monotony.

She will always be a part of me and I am so grateful to her for the happiness that she offered, for everything that she taught me, for being by my side, even for a short period.

I hope to meet you in another life, free of the constraints from this one.

I love you…..and it hearts so bad.

Dream of you

Last night I dreamt that she returned to me. The doorbell rand and there she was, just with a small suitcase and with her heart on a golden platter.

“Take it, it’s all yours. But please don’t make it bleed”.

I took her in my arms and made love for hours, loosing ourselves in an ocean of passion, timeless and out of this world.

And then I woke up, and she was not there. It was all just a dream.

I started to hate my smell when it’s not combined with hers. I hate my lips that miss the marks of her lips and bites. I hate myself and I love her.

Perfect wedding

“Love and marriage, love and marriage,/Go together like a horse and carriage” sings Sinatra in a very famous song. But do they really have to come together as a package?

There are for sure arranged marriages, or partners that will stay in a marriage just for the financial, physical safety. Love does not have anything to do with this.

On the other hand, there are great love stories, with lovers feeling no need to make everything official through paperwork.

I can say I have some expertise in this matter with 2 marriages already over by the age of 34. Not proud of it, but not resentful either. They were experiences that build my character and I learnt a lot from both of them.

I will not go into details about who did what, or who did mistakes or did something good. When a relationship breakes, both of the two partners are to blame, in a higher or smaller proportion. Inaction is also a mistake that drives frustration and wrong decisions.

What I would like to speak about is the idea of the perfect wedding, if somebody will convince me at some point to go through this again.

The first 2 weddings were taking into consideration a lot the needs of the guests in time extensive parties, exhausting for both the groom and bride. The wedding night resumed to a sleeping, in the same house with her parents, on both occasions.

The next wedding will be a small ceremony on a beach, with guests dressed in bathing suits, doing whatever they please: skijetting, swimming, playing beach voley.

The party will last until 10-12 PM at latest. The wedding night will be the most exciting nights in our lives, spent in a great hotel, with champagne and rivers of chocolate enveloping her body, waiting to be tasted and swalowed until the last drop, along with her savoury juices.

Next day, we will just go by car in a vacation to whatever destination the road will take us, trying all the experiences that we would consider fit, making love in all the places we pass.

So, lady of my heart, make sure you save the last dance for me.

Little woman

This night was one of the most emotional in my life. My soul was finally reunited with the woman I dearly loved and who will always be “the one” for me.

This reminds me of a great song that Freddie used to perform:

“You’ll remember when this is blown over,
and everything’s all by the way
When I grow older, I will be there at your side to
remind you
how I still love you, I still love you…”

No matter what harsh winds will blow upon us in the future, no matter if everything will turn into a dry wasteland with no drop of water to cool our dry lips, we will still have each other, forever…in life and beyond.

She was one of the very few in my life who managed to unchain my petrified heart, to make me openly express emotions and feelings that I always pushed down within me, for the fear of losing my vainglorious power and attraction. With her, my soul would burst out in a river flowing towards caressing her, expressing my deepest feelings, thoughts and fears. I was all over her, covering her in soft kisses, combing her hair, holding her tight until our souls will unite into a supernova shining in the dark sky.

Her beautiful laugh was everything I dared to dream. When I was not around her I was not myself. The fierce lion was finally tamed…by a very sensible woman, powerless in appearance, but with a huge heart to offer to that special person who would bring her the lost Cinderella shoe.

She look amazing: big green eyes, curly hair, slick smile always on display, a might to read beyond appearance and gestures.

Her height was merely 75 cm, but she was one of the most vertical women I have ever had the honor to meet. She was my baby daughter…the most handsome little woman in the world.

Born from a fast burning love, that eventually died, the little woman had so much to offer that my heart was always on the edge of blowing up from a stronger emotion than it could bear.

Was she the antidote to my constant hunt for finding the ultimate flame that will incinerate my heart?