Desert rose

Dryland, wasteland, where nothing ever grows, except some palm trees and a little lake in far away oasis. A place from where you need to run like hell, otherwise it will swallow you and everything you own.

And suddenly you have the impression that you see something in the distance, something so pure, so marvelous, that it cannot exist. It cannot exist on earth and only angels could have seen it.

It is a small rose, a blood red one. So tiny and delicate, that any harder blow of wind might tear its roots apart and take it away.

You cling to this image and you start moving towards it, or finally you have the chance for something better than only sand and death.

And you advance bit by bit but the rose seems to be moving away from you at the same time.

The need turns to lust, the lust to desperation and you start running like your life would depend on it.

But the rose does not want to be owned, for fear that she might be hurt. And it vanishes bit by bit from your view.

The tremendous effort finally knocks you over and you fall face to the ground.

The illusions of her still remains though……..

To love her

Love, such an interesting concept. What sick bastard invented you?

It hearts when you experience it, it hurts when you don’t have it. You run all life to find it and you run from it many times. It can bring somebody to Heaven or it can throw you to the deepest Hell.

I would rather live 1 more hour of my life being loved, than an eternity without love. This feeling is what defines us as humans, separates us from beast and elevates our spirits.

I believe in soulmates, people that are meant to meet each other, to change dramatically each other’s life, to share experiences beyond what words can describe. It’s hard sometimes to perceive them as such, but when you do, grab them as if your life would depend on it. Because it does. Your life is not complete without their presence or far from their beneficial influence.

It hurts like Hell when you are apart from them, it’s like drowning while gasping desperately for air, crying without a voice to be heard. Everything else in your life turns to be meaningless and you can hardly wait to finish all other chores and be reunited with your dear soulmate.

Not a single thing you do together is trivial and everything seems to be off the chart, beyond comparison, as if deity is just a step away.

They say your soulmate does not need to be a person of the opposite sex. It can be a close friend, a child, etc. My soulmate was a woman…”what else?” some close friends would say. She was the world to me, I was not myself when she was away…especialy when she was with her husband.

I prayed to every God I knew to bring her back to me the very moment she was out the door. My thoughts were with her every moment of my life. I was dreaming of her every night, when I embraced the pillow she rested her head.

Everytime I was rejoined with her it was like our first date: new, fresh, full of lust and love. But I knew everytime that the end will come again and again and my soul will be shattered to pieces.

No limits

Everything and everybody has limits. Some are imposed by nature’s laws, some self imposed by humans. Most of us will be very happy to know where a boundary is set so that actions, feelings, thoughts to be carefully weighted within these limits.

There are also people that will continuously try to break barriers, to be better than parents or the friend next to them, unhappy of how some stuff works. Imagine how our world would have looked like without engines, electricity, iPhones. You can easily skip the later from your absolute need to have things in life.

Sex makes no exception. There are a lot of people very pleased to have that Saturday afternoon sex that will keep them alive for another week. Let tick this too on our checklist for the week.

There are also a few, for who sex is as naturals as breathing. Is it not normal to breath loudly, rapidly, slowly, harder, deeper, with 2-3 people, along with women, men?…and the list is very long.

I tried almost everything in this regards, except for men. I cannot find an attraction to this part of sex. I’ve been with 2 women and loved it, I’ve been watched by others while makings sex, I fucked the same woman with another guy, I’ve had sex in parks, cars, mountains, beaches, restaurants, planes. Where there is pleasure, the limits are worthless, far from natural.

Always be ready for the next best thing in your sex life. As Mae West would say “between 2 evils, I always pick the one I never tried before”. The best experiences that I had were the ones where I would totally jump head forward into the love whirlpool, not thinking about any consequences that may arise, if we should go to her place of mine, if somebody is watching us when my hand gently slips within her legs to feel her warm, gentle pussy.

“What are you thinking about”, she asked. “I am thinking if I can kiss you”, I replied. “Why do you need to think?” she said with a devilish smile that ignited the night and led to one of the best experiences I ever had. The whole world was at our feet. We did not see any humans around us, there was only me and her until we reach heaven 2 hours later at my place.

She had no sexual limits and she was one of the most extroverted women I ever met. There were though some limits that she imposed to herself, ones that nobody should imposed to oneself. There were love and feelings limits. She had her special rules to refrain herself from feelings, from reaching the ultimate pleasure a human can hope to have. “Don’t meet a guy more than 2 times or you’ll fall in love”, “don’t have 2 relationships at the same time, or you will get hurt”.

“Limits, like fear, are often an illusion” (Michael Jordan). Could she ever get passed illusions?

 

Fire or ice?

Always an interesting dilemma defining the choices we make in life. Should we go for a job that offers a financial stability or that inner peace of mind, buy a big house and car to show off or limit yourself to basic needs and get involved in charity works.

The choice of women is though the sweetest one to evaluate and to get involved into. Would you love an ice woman or one made of the most devastating fire?

The ice queen will present no surprise, good or bad. She will be open, supportive in harsh times, a real life partner.

Fire women will consume you and the relationship as fast as they can, leading you very often to strong obsessions, madness or suicide. They will storm your life and everything you knew will change overnight. You will alienate friends, family, jobs, self esteem.

I’ve been with both types of women and I always preferred the fire ones…until I meet a different breed, one that legends were placing them in the same context with unicorns and fairies. The woman made from fire and ice, pure passion and very romantic at the same time, time after time.

She can be both predator and prey, hunting you down with her dazzling looks and wit and suddenly letting you dominate her body, turning to your personal little slut. Most of times everything is just a game for her, but she desires to be loved, held in powerful embraces, caressed as she was your first love.

I was one of the few lucky ones to meet this deadly combination and my entire value chain was changed in a minute. She turned me from master to slave and to master again. I was into her, over her, fucking her. She would light me up like a match and when I was close to burst and reach heaven she would throw icy water at me.

Heaven and hell were her two favorite places to stroll. Everything was familiar and unexpected at the same time with her. She was the one and only, angel and daemon combined.

As Rick would say in Casablanca: “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship”, sex is only the beginning……of more crazy, passionate, wet and deep sex. Leave friendship out of relationship. They are two very different “ships”.

Vanity

“Vanity, definitely my favorite sin” says Al Pacino impersonating the Devil in the movie “Devil’s advocate”. Considered by many a currency to control others, it may lead to heavenly accomplishments if nourished constantly and kept safe from those who use it to manipulate.

Healthy vanity focuses on synchronization between the true self and the image projected by a deformed mirror and to maintain a balance between an oversized libido and aggressive drives.

Vanity was one of my religions since forever, yet the healthy approach was not always reachable. The conscience of my personal charm started to build up in my late 20s and it totally changed vision of life. Dating women in a constant hunt for ultimate pleasure started to become the ultimate goal.

Omnia Vanitas – “All is Vanity” – says the Book of Ecclesiastes, and who am I to argue with the Holy Bible?

Very fast I assumed the role of bearing the vanity flag high towards the sky. Society’s ethics can be followed or manipulated to serve a different purpose. “Better to reign in Hell, than to serve in Heaven”.

The rules the society and most religions set are total contradictions: look but don’t touch. Touch but don’t taste. Taste, but don’t swallow. I consider a deadly sin to look at a woman’s magnificent body without caressing it, taste every part of it with all your five senses (especially certain wet parts come to my mind now) and especially swallow her appetizing juices.

Recently I’ve met a woman from a type that I was sure it became extinct with the dinosaurs. This woman managed to feed my vanity with her “You’re a superman in bed, baby” lines and promises of driving me to hell and back. Her speedy arousal every time our eyes met, concurred to form an ambrosia meal for my vanity.

I just hope that I would not get to be transformed into a flower (like poor Narcissus) by Gods resentful towards my constant state of ecstasy. Or at least hope that they would transform me into the most beautiful flowers in the world.